is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize