At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
