Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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