I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
