you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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