do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
