We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
