Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
