I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
