"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
