Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
