I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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