Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
