Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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