If i come over, it means nothing
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
