I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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