Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Porn is love you can see.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
