Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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