My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
