I think I am morally bankrupt
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
