trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
