My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
