Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize