my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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