I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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