I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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