mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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