For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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