I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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