i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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