im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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