shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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