either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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