I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
