im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we should paint friendship bongs
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