Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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