sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
