butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
