if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
