I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
