What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
