if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
