Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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