You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
