Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
