theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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