Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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