Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
