Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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