I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
