I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
