But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize