Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
