She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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