matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
