yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
