Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
