i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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