Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
