my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
