porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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