This girl is more easily done than said...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
