is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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