Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
