the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I know her cup size but not her name....
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