can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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