u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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