In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We need to rekindle our bromance
smell my finger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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