he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
