I just threw up on my dentist
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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