When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love having hate sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
