I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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