Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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